Monday, October 31, 2005
hmm. been a long and tiring weekend... spent in my room :S haha somehow just staying put in one place playing games and watching movies/shows all day is extremely, extremely draining. saturday was fun though.. caught up abit with the guys, and caught legend of zorro! quite entertaining actually.. and catherine zeta jones is always a bonus =)
on a side note... i need to get out of the house more. something about my room makes me sneeze and sneeze.. plus im getting lethargic. which is always a bad sign. oh well! its the holiday week... im sure things will happen.
and oh yah! been watching this show called 'Rome'. its really good stuff, quite an accurate potrayal of life in those times i think... all the scheming, backstabbing.. completely amoral society.. (omg just saw a lesbian scene). haha there was this one scene where marc antony and some of his soldiers were headed to a town in gaul.. and they stopped by the roadside just show that he could have this shepherd girl by a tree. hahahaha. gratitious sex and violence. what show eh? *grin*
or so it seems, at 12:38 AM
Sunday, October 30, 2005
manchester united are no longer the team i know. sir alex is no longer the manager he used to be. this is one of the most pathetic displays of soccer i have seen in my 11 years as a manchester united fan.
ugh.
or so it seems, at 2:07 AM
Saturday, October 29, 2005
when i think about the days ahead, or rather, the months ahead. thin dont look as clear as i'd like them to be, and more often than not i find myself staring into a veiled mist. behind which i am uninclined to face.
i dont know but... uni seems really foreboding now. perhaps its not so much the busybee part, and the bogged down in work/mugging part. but more of the 'how do i fit in' part. i guess its always tt way when you head to a new environment, and yet despite this i still feel that theres something pulling me towards trying to go overseas, or rather something pushing me away from SMU. i think a part of me just wants a break from all this 'AC culture' thingmajig. it works too ways, really. i rmb last sat i just shared tt i wanted to stay in singapore, because its my home, my roots are here, im singaporean at heart, and i like the 'heartlands'. but somehow... i feel as though SMU wont give me that. i just have this feeling of overwhelming pretention and superficial-ialty. i could be wrong, infact im probably wrong, and yet there this intangible barrier that screams at me 'get out of singapore before its too late!'. recently its like a lot of stuff here seems so fake, so made up, so put up. and the worst part is that i feel most strongly about this with regard to well... my class. ah'04. the phrase 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' is extremely fitting. and yet in the end, everything said and done, i wonder where we'll all be at the end of the day. only time will tell.
the highest hopes always fall the furthest.
the remedy is the experience. its a dangerous liason.
i say the comedy is that its serious.
which is a strange enough new play on words
i say the tragedy is how your'e gonna spend the rest of your nights with the light on
so shine the light on all your friends because it all amounts to nothing in the end
i won't worry my life away.
i won't worry my life away.
i won't and i won't and i won't etc.or so i try to tell myself.
or so it seems, at 1:40 AM
Sunday, October 23, 2005
if somebody told you that i've been feeling good, really good. they'd probably be right. and that somebody would most likely be me. but there's always this feeling you get after you realise 'hey, i feel real good'. its a feeling of uneasiness, of apprehension. its a 'wait a minute...' kinda feeling, the kind that you get before the storm comes. and thats what i feel now. and yet... its a good thing, i guess. because it confirms one thing. i feel real good =)
not really sure what brought this about. could be the fact that i've cleared my ICCT (intermediate close combat training, for you army noobs out there), could be the fact that i've had a good weekend spent with ac guys (our weekly fellowship that i've been pontanging) and class peeps (found a drink that i can drink without getting rashes!), could be the oncoming 3 day week, followed by 10 days out of camp (gotta love block leave), could be the past week during which i've ran into people i havent seen in ages, like sab (was great seeing ya, albeit for just a 'hey sab!' heh) or yanice from my og (was good catching up too). or maybe its all of these reasons, or maybe its none. it doesnt matter so much, what matters is that i feel good. and i know i'm loved. and most importantly, loved by Him above, and i know that its time i loved Him back =)
anyhow all this came about a short while ago when i finished reading american gods (neil gaiman is THE writer) for the second time, and it still amazed me and stunned me, captivated me to the fullest. somehow good stories that end up well always make me smile. even if they do so in unconventional ways. think i spelled that wrong oops. oh well!
cant wait for the days to come... things always turn out right. even if they dont seem so at the time. they always do, for i am loved. :)
or so it seems, at 7:34 PM
Sunday, October 16, 2005
the one thing that i doubt i'll ever fully understand, and yet it keeps me going. for some reason being in army... being in camp, specifically. it makes me free. i've lived life as i've always believed it should be lived.. optimistic, hopeful. i do what i see is right, not based on any concepts but my own. moving forward as i see i should, letting the currents pull me. i believe that the paths i take are all planned, and that in all i do i am following His path. and yet i know there are many divergences, many times when i do what I see fit, rather than perhaps what God would rather me do. and i've always felt thats life. and maybe it is. but do all roads lead to rome? i dont know that answer. but in army, there's only one road for me to take.
im free from decisions that make a real impact, free from worries about what to do next, or what i should be getting ready for. everything is more or less planned, i just do my job, and my day is done. in a sense.. the only thing i can do in camp, is to live simply. theres no melodrama, no 'guess we'll cancel supper because every is too busy' no 'guess i'll spend my saturday at home because everyone's busy'. theres no 'why do i spend my whole day in my room doing nothing in particular' no 'why am i wasting my time when i could be doing something that i really want to do'. theres no whys, no what ifs, no how comes. everythings straightforward. its as simple as that. and thats the way i want it. in camp i dont have to think about my life, i dont have to think about who's my friend, who am i close to. i dont have to worry about 'am i missed? is anyone thinking of me?'. because thats what i do. and i suffer because of it.
im still finding myself. and perhaps a little solace is all i need.
but where.
or so it seems, at 9:15 PM
another long week comes to an end... haha but this week has been more 'exciting', in camp at least.
ah ber brought his ps2 into camp! muahahaha! NO MORE BORING NIGHTS! every night is winning eleven/tekken5/soulcalibur2 night now. all we need is a nice big tv in our own bunk... *hoohoho* haha well apart from being sucked into a gaming frenzy... there's always still time for nights out :) met wayne for pool/catching up on thursday (i won him 7 games to 4, might i add *halo*) but was great! so many more ppl i wanna catch up with... but i guess i've gotta be content catching up with those who really mean something to me =)
training's been kinda... 'relac jac' lately haha. havent gone for life run (our twice a week 5klick run) in like... 3 months. too nuaaa already aiyo. playing soccer most of the time doesnt seem to help much either hahaha. oh well... gotta a lot of things to get started on. driving... stretching... dancing... reading.. at least im fortunate to have the time to do all this during my army life heh.
hmm aside from that... been a pretty normal week. got to 'visit' pasir panjang wharf on friday to collect back our shipment from thailand.. other than that, nothing new i guess.
on a side note... havent been to holland v for supper in almost a month now. whats happening! ugh. maybe i jinxed it when i opened my big mouth saying we'll have supper every week haha. wishful thinking indeed.
oh well. got a nice block leave coming up... not to mention that the years coming to an end. getting closer to ORD ;) hahahahaha. more wishful thinking. haiz.
or so it seems, at 5:27 PM
Sunday, October 09, 2005
been feeling really zonked out this whole weekend... its been so long since i've been sick that its like a whole new feeling again... or perhaps its always like that when your'e sick, eh? :p
at least im feeling better now... that bath really helped to refresh me! (the powers of cold water and mango bodyshop shower gel) :D
a lot has been happening in the past week.. more so than actually is happening though. its more to do with the realisations and the 'heyyyyy' kinda moments. like how i realised that army ain't so bad, how i remembered what it meant to have self-pride, how i found out that there's a line between wishful hoping and naivety. which i will now go into.
this week we met an australian arti officer during breakfast.. apparently he's here all by himself for an exchange program. and we spent the most part of breakfast talking to him about army.. interestingly enough he specialises in the same thing that we do (weapon locating radars) and infact uses the one which i myself deal with everyday (and for the upcoming FATEP - evaluation kinda thing) what makes it even more eye-opening is that fact that he claims that the TPQ 36 (its over 20-years old in singapore already) is much more useful than its predecssor, the 37, and also the ARTHUR (a radar that moves on tank like threads), which is the latest radar we have. infact.. haha they just sent two of their systems to iraq to do mortar/rocket tracking. all this for a system that i myself had cursed to be useless and a waste of time. erps indeed :p but more importantly for me, i saw how much pride he had in his job, and how he enjoyed his military life. to me this doesnt mean like, 'oh i've got to like my job to enjoy it'. rather it made me realise that i need to have self-pride, i need to realise that regardless of what i am doing, i still have to put in my best. thats how to live my life, glorifying God. and it put me at peace :)
meanwhile... got a new phone line + a new phone! *biiiig grriiin* and im loving it hehe. caught up with aims and lychee on saturday, was good to get out of the house even though i was still sick (hope i didnt pass any germs *halo*) wanted to catch a movie but ended up spending loads of money on books/cds.. oops. think i'd better come up with some sort of plan to save money monthly... less i just spend away all my money via NETS (the devils creation surely, the means to blind spending) i SHOULD have gotten more pay this month though... thank you ippt silver! *100 more hehe*
ugh i cant stop sneezing at home. i think either im allergic to something in my room, or its just too easily irritable these days. either way... it sucks! oh yah ahaha on friday i went to report sick in camp... for a slight flu, just wanted to get an attend-B status... and i had to end up doing blood test/ECG.. apparently my pulse was 53 beats a minute. which is like either 1.dying 2.super fit. and tts really super fit. haha aiyo. at least i feel fine *hee*
on a side note... havent met up with the usual holland v gang in like.... almost 3 weeks now. we'd better meet this friday/weekend -_- (haha i know its my fault, havent been feeling too good and all) but still! its a date =)
or so it seems, at 6:44 PM
Sunday, October 02, 2005
the week past hasnt been too bad... just packed full of activities. and yet i feel so alive.. i think i get a kick out of physical work haha. lets see... had 3 days of icct (intermediate close-combat training, for all those army acronym noobs heh) which involved lots of neck-aching exercises. what exactly happens during icct? lets see... we throw ourselves to the floor forwards, backwards, and sideways, all the while shouting 'yaahh!' at the top of our lungs. must be aggressive see... even in falling. more fun was of course the 3rd lesson, when we did rolling break falls, kinda like a forward/side roll. which was quite fun heh. got to see the acct (advanced) peeps doing throws too, definately more fun than falling on the ground for no reason haha.
besides that.. also had 2 days of office duty.. during which i got to watch spiderman2/resident evil:apocalypse/kungfu hustle/shutter.. haha having a vcd/dvd player in your office rocks my socks! my bsm also went ballistic on us on thursday though.. the tension was crazy, but luckily we seem to have survived the worse. thank god i was on office duty that day, or i might have snapped, what with all the stand-by bunks and threat of extra duty flying all around.
oh yah got to play soccer too on weds night.. quite an eventful week i'd have to say. and my book in timing on nights out days/bookin day got extended to 2300, with option to extend to 2330 in a week! see, army ain't that bad. haha =p
been feeling quite tired lately though... and sneezing a load. either someone's been thinking of me [must be someone real hot ;) ] or the weather's wrecking my body. *shrug* wont dampen my spirits though heh.
i guess life's kinda settled into a sort of stable routine... adjusting myself to suit my circumstances and make the best of it. thats the best way to live, isnt it? you do what you can, and when you cant you adapt to it. easier said than done though... but i think im getting there =)
or so it seems, at 9:11 PM
